I am trying to keep this blog positive and the primary reason why I started to write it was to show others that life with a transplanted kidney or any other organ can be normal like any other. I want to show people they can travel, do sport, have kids, etc. and that actually it is another chance to live your life fully and be happy.
But sometimes it is hard for me to stay positive, especially in these hard days when the COVID-19 is everywhere not just physically but also mentally. When you turn on the radio, tv, internet, anything, most of the news is focusing on new information about this virus, how it is spreading, where it is spreading, how many people are infected, how many died, etc. In the Czech Republic we have now quite strict rules about when you are allowed to go to the public, how to behave, what you have to or what you mustn’t do and so on but the virus is spreading anyway.
On Tuesday, it will be my 4th week at home office and in isolation. During the last two weeks, my daughter even was at my parents and grandparents as they have more time to study with her and take of her. So I was left at home all alone.
I planned to work and in the spare time to improve this blog, create Facebook and Instagram accounts, exercise, eat healthily, read books and watch movies and enjoy the given time. The truth is that I managed to do some of those things but my mental stage is getting worse and it was really bad during the last few days.
The worst problem is that I have enough time to think. When I am sad or depressed, I learned how to treat myself. I usually start to work a lot, exercise a lot, listen to music that helps me, watch movies that help me etc. But this time, none of these methods seem to work. I am just left alone with my thoughts which is usually not a good idea.
The worst thoughts usually come when I start to think about the fact that it has been already 5 years since my divorce and I still haven’t found me a new partner. Usually I am ok with this fact and I am happy that I have my daughter but in these times it is very hard for me. I would love to have someone to help each other get through these hard times when I belong to the most endangered group because of the lowered immunity. I would love to have someone to hug and tell me it will be okay. I would love to have someone to help me take care of everything.
If it was hard to find someone like that in the past, when the world was normal, it is close to impossible to find someone now. And it will probably not change anytime soon. I know these are hard times for many people, just wanted to write down my thoughts.